What makes Pete tic?

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What makes Pete tic?     August 17, 2021 et post

I was born with a “mean streak”, and I have done many things in my life that I am sorry for. In my years as an elderly person, I have fought the streak, and tried to right some wrongs I have done. Most of them are irreparable, but I honestly try to compensate by some measure.

For such a long time I have been surrounded by a darkness, generated by people with unknown agendum. Some members of my family have been a major source, and other members have perpetuated this condition by failing to validate accusations made. It is the simplest form of judgement, facilitated by relying on the words of others. This is my greatest enemy, aggravated by my refusal to defend myself. That defense would only be words, and I prefer to be judged by my actions, and my reputation. One wrong accusation can grow into a storm that affects the opinions of so many, it is appalling. Having been wrongly accused of killing a beloved pet, I have become the murderer of every pet in the area, meeting an untimely end. The responsible party has moved out of the area, and has never been held responsible. This is only one small example of the havoc this behavior creates.

Another example: A very highly respected friend., with questionable morals, committed an act, which would have adversely affected the relationship he was already having a problem with. After resolving the problem, it became necessary for him to terminate his feigned friendship with me to avoid discovery. I think he will get away with shifting the blame to me, but think of the effect on the conscience.

I have done things which appear to be immoral, or unethical, without any scrutiny, whatsoever, and this is causing enormous problems with my only remaining son. His opinion would be drastically altered with minimal discussion, but we are unable to converse, as his feelings for me are adversely affected by the wrongful accusations of others. This, coupled with our inability to agree on so many subjects, has damaged our relationship to the point where it may never be repaired. I feel a heartbreaking lack of respect, partially facilitated by our difference of opinion, which compels me to discuss a few words, especially in the light of the ongoing pandemic, which I consider people like my son, to be part of the problem.



My big thing, at this moment, is respecting the rights of others. I am fully vaccinated, but I continue to wear a mask, and practice social distancing, out of respect. I live with a person who was reluctant to be vaccinated, but has been, recently. There is a danger we could infect each other. Fortunately, she is very careful to wear a mask, and practice social distancing, and she disinfects generously. I do respect her right to choose, but am relieved she finally made the wise decision. People who refuse the vaccine are part of the problem. If the pandemic is to be defeated, it will require participation by a large majority of the world’s population.

There are people that refuse to wear a mask, and practice social distancing, out of a total LACK of respect for anyone, including themselves. I despise you! And to those who try to convince others to do the same, I doubly despise you. I have NO respect for you.

My son accused me of “spewing hate”. I am airing grievances, and expressing my opinion. That’s still OK, isn’t it? There is no “HATE” involved, unless you confuse “despise” with “hate”.




1.  feel contempt or a deep repugnance for.

"he despised him for being disrespectful"

Similar:detest loathe abhor abominate execrate





1.  feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone).

"the boys hate each other"

Similar:loathe detest dislike greatly abhor abominate despise


They are similar, but not interchangeable. I don’t hate anyone, and if I do despise you, it’s usually because our opinions differ, and I am reasonably certain that I am correct, backed by scientific fact. You are entitled to your opinion, and I respect that, even though I may not respect your opinion!

I try to tolerate people that claim to be religious, but, scientific evidence negates all religions. I have no respect for people that believe in “thousands of years old documents”, but will not accept scientific evidence, verified by multiple sources.

When I talk about, “respecting the rights of others”. I am talking about all living things. My attitude on this subject has run full spectrum, from small game hunter and trapper, to one who is reluctant to kill a spider. It has been necessary to euthanize my beloved dogs to end their suffering, but I loathe people who mistreat animals under any pretext. Even food animals, (especially food animals) deserve humane treatment, and respect.


All of my life, I have struggled with one word!   LOVE    Born into a religious family, I was surrounded by people who were instructed to “love thy neighbor”, etc. etc. I had a definition for “love” at an early age, and I was made to feel loved, by my definition. As the years passed, I noticed that we really didn’t love our neighbors, and I started to question our feelings about each other. According to my definition of “love”, one never gives up on the other. No matter what happens, if you love someone, they can always count on your support. You can make me “stop loving you”. But you have to not love me, in order to do that, so, what’s the use? The people I love don’t have to worry. I will never give up on them!


I can’t say that I have always been honest. As I get older, honesty becomes more important to me. I never had a problem fabricating a cover for a wrong-doing or an embarrassment. Now, it is easier to take a hit, rather than depend on memory to keep fabrications in order.
Recently, a close friend chose a path which bore no adverse consequences, other than, perhaps, to offend another close friend. Rather than taking the hit, he decided to throw me under the bus, and discontinue our friendship. At a time when friends are scarce, I prefer losing a friend rather than trying to continue a relationship with someone who would do that.


How to measure success? I have acquaintances from all walks of life. Some have risen to the top, and have become “well to do”, so to speak. The ones that appear to be the most successful are the ones that seem to be unhappy most of the time. My ex-step-brother in law, Jon, is the best example. We were very close when we were married to step-sisters. We did everything together. I was a lowly hourly employee, and he was a very “successful” man in the electronics industry, upwardly mobile as he moved from job to job. We used to talk about being a millionaire back when a million  dollars was a lot of money. His favorite thing to say was, “The one with the biggest pile of toys was the winner”. When he passed away, he certainly did have the biggest pile. Sadly, though, he was one of the unhappiest people I know. I had the opportunity to be just as “successful”, but it would have required me to step on others to achieve this, which is something Jon admitted to me that he did, many times.

The man that married my cousin is thought to be very successful by almost everyone, another one of the most unhappy people I know. He provided my cousin with everything she could possibly desire, except love. She called on me many times for comfort when her husband was travelling.

How can someone who has everything be unhappy? Is this the success of which we speak?

My son has achieved, well above my expectation, and is another one who seems unhappy. We don’t communicate, so I don’t know what is happening there. Are unhappy people successful?

How to measure success? I have always done everything I ever wanted to do, while respecting the rights of others to do the same. I wouldn’t say I was happy, exactly, but I certainly was satisfied. I made a decent living and I was highly respected by my colleagues. When I no longer had family obligations, I proceeded to enjoy life on MY terms. I was exhausted from trying to please other people. Without scrutiny, my actions may have appeared to be less than scrupulous.

I have always treated others well, and now, in the autumn of my life, I can truly say that I am happy. I live comfortably on social security and I love my little “farm” which my partner and I have created with our own hands, without help from anyone.

There are things I would change if I had “do-overs”, but, what is done is done, and I live with some regrets, but I consider myself to be successful.

I suffer from several medical issues which cause me unimaginable pain. I am hopeful to pass from this earth naturally, but other avenues are highly likely. Other than that, I enjoy excellent health, and I consider myself to be very fortunate. It is amazing how many people are living in conditions which most of us would not survive. My heart goes out to them. Their condition could be improved by the people that have more than they need, but I don’t expect to ever see that happen. It won’t be long before we are all in the same boat. My generation caused great damage to the world, and my children and grandchildren don’t seem to be concerned enough to make any sacrifices to improve the situation. The good life we are enjoying will not last forever. I foresee natural disasters, and global epidemics which will affect every living thing in the very near future, and I think it is too late to prevent any of this. It’s possible that enough people will survive to start over, after the planet has had time to cleanse itself of our disrespect.

 There is no positive way to conclude this dissertation. I can only hope that we are more respectful of one another, and more concerned with the welfare of each other!


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