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Family Sore Spots

Religion

I have memories all the way back to the late 40s. Our family was close knit, and generally happy. From Vanport, to Okinawa, to Yuma. Mom and dad hired babysitters, and went out on the town, and life was good. When my sister was born, things took a very sharp turn. My mother went through a drastic change. She stopped wearing makeup, and started putting her hair up. We had meetings in our home, and these “preachers” would come and stay with us. Suddenly, mom and dad weren’t getting along any more, and mom talked about leaving. We cried, and talked her out of it, but from that time on, there was a friction that we all felt, that never went away. Dad was a devout Lutheran, like his mother, and as far back as I can trace. Dad felt that everyone should have the freedom to choose how they worship God, but he felt it was important to worship God. Mom said we had the freedom to choose, also, but if we chose to attend church with dad, there were always consequences. Religion became a tool, used to hurt one-another, and a lever, and suddenly, our family was divided. Mom made sure we attended her gatherings, which we learned were not called church, but “meetings”. When asked what the name of the church was, the awkward reply was, “It has no name”. I was brainwashed into believing that this was the way that Jesus had planned things to be, and the origin was rooted in Christ, Himself. I never was very good at explaining the workings, because I didn’t understand them, myself.

Recently I have discovered a website that explains, exactly, how this cult works. With permission of the author, I would like to direct you to the website, “Telling The Truth”. http://www.tellingthetruth.info/home/index.php

Exactly what is a cult?- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult

Government list of cults- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_groups_referred_to_as_cults_in_government_documents

Then go to- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_new_religious_movements

find;

Two by Twos, also known as Cooneyites, Christian Conventions, the Workers and Friends, the Truth, etc.^[450]

William Irvine^[451]

1897^[452]

Independent fundamentalist family^[453]

“Telling The Truth”. http://www.tellingthetruth.info/home/index.php accurately explains the workings.

There is an enormous amount of information available, but I would recommend that you browse, and look for the things that interest you most. I found information about the people we met in Newfoundland at http://www.tellingthetruth.info/history_pioneering/newfoundland_westpoint.php. The Cutlers that we met were the very first members in Newfoundland.

The point to be made here is that families can suffer if there is a religious conflict. America gives us the freedom to practice any faith we choose, but nothing will ever end the problems our different beliefs can cause. Most of the global problems we experience stem from our differences in what we believe.

I was listening to a talk show, discussing sex in marriage, and what was right and wrong, as far as what the bible teaches. The subject was being discussed by a minister, and he didn’t hesitate to color everything with his own personal opinion. This brings us to the next subject.

Sex

The other thing that everyone refuses to agree on, and, causes enormous global strife, and, is probably the root of most religions, is sex.

The talk show I was listening to brought up the question of masturbation, and oral sex. The minister dodged the question,”right or wrong?”, by saying there was nothing in the bible concerning that, but it was probably O.K. as long as you didn’t lust after someone other than your spouse. Does this preclude sex without marriage?

I don’t know about you guys, but I had sexual feelings at a very early age, in an age where sex was, totally taboo. The television shows we watched had stunningly beautiful women, but were stingy with cleavage, and navels, and 60 plus years later, the kid’s cartoons have breasts, and show very provocative images. I had a tough time handling the material they showed in the 50s and 60s.

Some religions cover the woman’s body completely, a little drastic, and within a few thousand miles women feel completely comfortable, naked. It isn’t long before they are corrupted by “civilization”, and feel a need to cover themselves. I think that is very interesting.

As children we had no guidance at all. They taught a class called “sex education” and the main subject was abstinence, with no further explanation. If you indulged, the danger of disease brought up. If you learned anything about sex, it was from the other ten year old children. Where did they get their info? The only time we got accurate information was when one of the ten year olds was being molested at home.

Nowadays it seems like an awful lot of children are being molested, but the truth is that we just never heard so much about it, when we were children. With the media, and all the watchdog organizations in place, you would think that we would have improved “sex education”, by now.

So we bring up our children without educating them, and they go through life struggling with those feelings, and fighting urges, not realizing the drastic consequences for giving in. I had a lot of preconceived notions when I was fourteen, and the first girl to take advantage of my innocence was older than I, and not willing to go any farther than “necking” and some tame “petting”. This was frustrating to me, and fighting my urges became an everyday battle, to last the rest of my life.

It’s hard to say what normal is. Everyone has different feelings, at different levels of urgency. People who are unable to control their urges become criminals, and if caught, face punishment to fit the crime. I have to wonder how many people could be helped if we had a comprehensive instructional program.

One of the biggest problems I have with mixing religion and sex, is the religious requirement to remain celibate, until marriage. With a fifty percent divorce rate for all kinds of reasons, this is probably the main cause. Sexual incompatibility, or infidelity is the overwhelmingly biggest cause for two people to not get along.

I hope we find a better way to educate our children. I wish I had some suggestions, but I was so warped by my experiences, I am unable to understand how other people feel, without knowing how I feel.

The one thing I have learned is that jealousy is the most crippling disease that I know of. If we can overcome that, life gets a lot smoooooother.

Education

My parents always thought that everyone should have a college education. My dad told me that he would pay for my education, if I would wait to get married. My sexual urges were so strong, and I was so sick of school, and circumstances beyond my control, made it necessary for me to marry before I was really ready.

I never did well in school. I was a busy little boy, and unless I was really interested, school was a waste of time, and I couldn’t be bothered with it. These were the days when no-one ever heard of A.D.H.D. and too much sugar was the cause of hyperactivity. No-one knew about learning disorders and things like dyslexia, or savants. I always wanted to make my parents proud, so I made an attempt to go back to school, and get an engineering degree. I tried, extra hard, but was unable to make the kind of grades that were required. I used the excuse that I had a family, and was unable to devote the time, but the real truth was that a lot of the material I was trying to absorb was beyond my ability to grasp. At this time I did not understand this, yet. I was in my early thirties, and self employed, and could have devoted any amount of time, necessary to learn. It wasn’t ‘til later in life, when in my early sixties, I finally realized that you cannot give an answer when you don’t understand the question. I took a class in speech, and failed miserably, simply because I was unable to absorb the required material.

Some people are suited for higher education, and some are not. It can eliminate a lot of grief if you recognize this.

Tobacco

My parents both smoked and drank alcohol when I was a very young boy. In Yuma, second grade, we were first told of the danger of cancer in smokers. My mother quit before I can remember, but I remember asking my dad to quit. He did, and as I grew up, we knew that they did not want us kids to smoke.

Right around fourteen years of age, being “cool” became very important, and I took up smoking, to be “cool’. It was one thing I wish I had resisted, because smoking became a forty three year addiction, a thing I was unable to stop until my health deteriorated to the point I was unable to smoke. That was over ten years ago.

Here’s some of the neat things smoking does for you. You can count on bad breath, gum disease, yellowing of the teeth and fingers. It will always affect your endurance, and if you are lucky, you get heart disease and lung cancer.

People are smoking less, because it is less acceptable. I just hope that one person reads this, and decides not to smoke.

Alcohol

It sneaks up so fast you will never know what hit you. It’s the only addiction I know of that’s worse than tobacco. You think you are in control, and the next thing you know, you just need a little shot to clear the head and stop the shakes.