PSYCHOLOGICAL TERRORISM

“I have a problem with you but I won’t tell you what the problem is!”

I’m getting o lot of this lately. The people I’m getting this from really surprised me. I never expected this. One was my son.

I expect this from my brother. He ruined his life with drugs, and in order to divert attention from himself, he finds fault with others, and one of the others is me. I am his first choice because I don’t defend myself. Having difficulty finding fault, he fabricates untruth, and even after seeing documentation to the contrary, in lieu of documentation of his own, he tells me I’m not worth the trouble to locate any evidence. I’m getting a lot of that too.

I have always kept written records of everything I do, after being falsely accused in the distant past, and having no recourse. It may have been something as simple as a handwritten daily journal, supported by the people I interact with.

I still keep records of emails and conflicts with people, none of whom are able (or willing) to provide any evidence of wrongdoing on my part. Let me restress: IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG! You, very well, may be mistaken if you are relying on the word of others.

In the case of Steve East, he perpetrated an indiscretion, and shifted the blame to me in order to prevent discovery. I don’t defend myself, and his word would be accepted over mine anyway. The problem; witnesses! He has passed this untruth to others, who in turn, pass it along again until it becomes distorted.

I am not claiming that I am without fault! The things I regret the most wouldn’t be an issue with most people, and the issues that are concerning most people are the fabrications of others.

My son has a problem with something I have done, and by keeping it to himself, he eliminates any possibility of justifying my actions, or apologizing for them. He claims that revealing his feelings for me would be relationship ending. I think he accomplished that quite well. I really believe that he doesn’t want to be bothered with me.

I certainly have some problems with his actions. He has an opportunity to justify, or, apologize. I don’t know where they came from. I certainly didn’t raise him to act the way he does. I have a hunch that his wife is influencing his actions, nevertheless, there is no way to justify them. Bringing them to his attention caused him to falsely accuse me of calling him “a piece of shit twelve ways”. I guess it was ok to call me a piece of shit with no supporting evidence. I love my son unconditionally, and would never call him names, but I really hate the things he has done to me. I have documentation for everything from emails to witnesses. It not only cost a fortune to protect myself from him, but that, and all of the other problems plaguing me has put me into a suicidal depression I am unable to shake!

This may serve as a final note in the event I am taken in the heat of a moment.

My younger son, who has passed on, never had a problem discussing his feelings for me, and there were occasions where an apology was in order, but I was, at least, given a chance to justify my actions, which were accepted in most cases.

Getting old is depressing in itself and the comfort of family and friends alleviates some of that. I have neither. Never ending physical pain is debilitating and depressing, and with very little relief, I have considered ending it all on many occasions. The main thing stopping me is a severely handicapped individual, who is so dependent on me for everything. She is so helpless that I am concerned for her welfare after I am gone.

Another thing is that life is precious. It is a frighteningly short, one time thing, and pain, sorrow, and suffering are a big part of the experience. People who endure the pain and suffering alone are vulnerable to self destruction.

Sixty years ago, as soon as I fulfilled my military obligation, (I volunteered to serve during the Viet Nam war) I entered the work force and earned the respect of everyone I ever worked for. I had the respect of the people I worked with also.

Now, 52 years later, I am alone. I had to leave my friends behind in order to claim my property, needed so desperately after having everything taken away from me so many times. I have loved living here with my friend, Denise. Our accommodations are modest, but comfortable. We planted things and had some animals, most importantly, our dogs.

I finally understand why people love their pets. My first dog loved me so much, I couldn’t leave him alone. I was unable to restrain him, and he would escape and come looking for me. For ten years I took him everywhere I went. When he became ill, I had to euthanize him to end his suffering. It was one of the saddest days of my life. I’ve had other dogs that I loved as much, but they don’t live very long, and losing them is extremely traumatic.

Our latest mutt rescues are aging twins, brother and sister. We have had them since they were six weeks old, and they will be twelve years old on 17^th of June, 2023.

My little boy is riddled with cancer, and I am watching him die a little more each day. I have already dug his grave and we watch him closely to make sure he isn’t in agony.

I awake to a panic attack every morning. I can’t bear to watch him suffer, and I am hopeful he will die in his sleep, peacefully.

Lost my little buddy today. 6-20-2023, 3 days after his 12th birthday, BUSTER passed away at 5pm pdt. He suffered from a long illness with increasing pain every day. His pain is over and the agony of watching him suffer is gone.

RIP little friend! Exactly 15 years, to the day, after losing SCOOPER!

Advancing age, and deteriorating physical condition is depressing enough without seeing my little friend suffer. That, coupled with the sorrow my son has caused, has me wishing that I could die in my sleep! I wonder, every hour of every day, what I could have possibly done to cause him to disrespect me, and have such hard feelings toward me. I consider this to be psychological terrorism. VERY DISTURBING!

A message for Todd from Fluffy!

If someone points out an item they disagree with, doesn’t mean they are calling you a “piece of shit”.

Fuck your “FILTERS”! The incoming and the outgoing!

Grow a set, and be a man!

DAD